A New Dream

During this whole episode of my life, my dreams concerning recovery keep evolving.  During my time in the hospital, I would dream that my paralysis was not real, only to wake up and realize that it was real.  Then, last December, I dreamed that I was walking without a limp - and at the time I had, one month previous, started walking with a quad cane - and was feeling frustrated that progress had slowed down.  Now, in my dreams, I am either walking normally, or with a cane (my current situation is that I walk with a limp/gait without a cane).

Last night, I dreamed that a couple of friends from work came to my parents' house, and I walked out to the porch and sat down on a step.  One said, "Wow, you have gotten much better." The other said, "To tell you the truth, I thought you'd never be able to do that again." which was to sit down using my own strength and not topple over.

I replied, "Sometimes, I didn't think I would recover as well as I have."

All three statements reflect how I must feel, on a subconscious level, regarding my recovery.  I am suprised at myself that I have recovered so well, thusfar; at some points, I had my doubts on whether I would ever recover; and acknowledgement of the first two statements.

It will be interesting to see how my dreams change as my recovery progresses.

Practice Walking Without a Cane

Boosted by the news i got at the doctor earlier this week, since yesterday i have been walking outdoors without a cane.

I can feel more muscles working and being taxed, for my lower abdomen tightened up the same way it did when I switched from the quad cane to a regular cane.  Of course that meant I would start having more bladder accidents again when i walk, but that's okay - I know this will get better. 

I think I have two more stages to go before the bladder gets back to near complete recovery.  That is is I can run for a distance longer than my living room, and then it would just be my muscles closing up shop while I sleep.

Again, I think how much improved I am now compared to a year ago when I was in a wheelchair and voided via catheter, and evacuating via digital stimulation.

Dreams

It took about a month and a half after I fell ill to remember my dreams.  I had two recurring dreams.  One was that I dreamed I was in the hospital, paralyzed from the waist down, and unable to walk - then I would wake up and realize that wasn't a dream.  In the other dream, I would be running, and feeling good that I was able to run again; then I would wake up, see the bed rail, and know that I was still in the hospital, unable to walk.

In December, two days before Christmas, i had a dream that one of my friends visited me at my parent's house.  It was time for her to go home, and I offered to walk her to her car.  "That's all right," she said.  "No, I can do it," I replied.  When we reached the car, I said, "See, not even a limp."

Last night, I had two dreams - one in which I walked with a cane, and one in which I ran without a cane, and the dream had no mention that I ever walked with one. 

It seems my dreams have evolved. The early ones represented my denial of my inability to walk.  Then, it was confidence that I would walk again, normally.  Now, it seems that I accept my less than normal walk, but confident that I will be able to run again without any signs that I was once confined to a wheelchair, or needed the aid of a cane to walk.

Dragging Feet

I've always been a foot dragger, but even as I walk "normally" indoors, now, the foot dragging has gotten more pronounced.  Specifically, it's my fourth toe on the right side.  Sometimes it doesn't lift, and when I shuffle forward, it stays behind, doing two things: 1. Makes me off-balance so I work to keep from falling (which I guess can be seen as a positive thing in a way), and 2. With the other toes facing forward, and this one, pinned between my foot and the surface, I end up with a bruised toe and pain for a few days.

This is something that prbably won't correct itself on its own, so while foot dragging didn't really have much of a consequence before I got sick, it does now.  I have to remember to consciously lift my feet up when I walk, enough so that each toe is off the ground, and won't get pinned between the floor and my foot.

Update - Recovery milestone

Last weekend, I went to the beach and walked on the sand without a cane - for about the equivelent of 14 blocks.  The sand is soft uneven, and one of my physical therapists thought it would be a great idea to walk on the sand to improve my balance.  Walking on sand is more difficult than walking on pavement - but it is easier on the joints.  Upon going the 14 blocks, I walked up three flights of stairs (holding the hand rails, of course), and walked home, about 20 blocks away. 

I think I did at least 4 kilometers., which would be almost half of my goal (and reason for the second half of the title).  I don't know if I wil be able to do a 10K before the end of the year, but I'm now almost certain that i wil complete a 5K walk/run before the end of the year.